Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
