Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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