i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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