I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize