If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
