i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
