This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
