glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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