batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
they're like a gay fantastic four
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
