Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
