Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
ttyl tear gas
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
