Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
