Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
