I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
We named our party play list daddy issues
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
