More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Randomize
