if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My penis needs a shock collar
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
