Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize