i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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