Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
you will always have a special place in my vag
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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