Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
