Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize