they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
