There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
