8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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