butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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