i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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