I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
