She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize