if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
