First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
