the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
