I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
