There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
