Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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