a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
