I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
