Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
