I could have mohawked her pubes.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
