You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
