I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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