You're completely useless in the revolution.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize