I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
