The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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