I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
