Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
