Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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