Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize