I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
