it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
