hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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