come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
