Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize