I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
