you guys were way drunker than both of me
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize