Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
she woke up with a sticky ear
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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