You're my little dorito
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
