I didn't shave. On purpose
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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