i think my mom watched the whole time
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
