Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize