dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
