The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
