Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
