i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
