What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize