I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
