omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
