I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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