my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
