i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
