Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
