The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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