im drinking this country out of the recession.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
tell me about the eggs
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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