My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
