My friends, they love my intelligence
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
