My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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