the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
