On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
We have so much sex to catch up on
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
