Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
