Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
