Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
