if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
