the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
