I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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