She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i would punch a child for taco bell
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
