This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
