I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
