carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
