You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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