oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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