Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
