As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
