well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
ttyl tear gas
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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