found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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