Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
