Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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