We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I have fence marks all over my body
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
