I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
