you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
