idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize