If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
