I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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