Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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