hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
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