Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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