You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Randomize
