Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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