I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
