nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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