I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
