The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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