piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
