Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
