OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
